Sandal season and the problem of where to look

Question

Every year around June this stops being theoretical for me. Feet are simply everywhere. Cafes, trains, the park, the office once the dress code relaxes. And I find myself in a slightly ridiculous internal argument about where it is acceptable to let my eyes rest.

I do not want to be the man who makes a stranger uncomfortable on a bus. That matters to me more than anything else about this. But I also cannot pretend I do not notice, and pointedly looking away feels almost as odd.

How do you handle summer? Is there a sensible line, or is the honest answer just glance and move on like you would with anything else you find nice to look at?

respectful_ravi · Accepted Answer

The rule I use is simple and it has never let me down. You get the same look anyone gets. A glance, the length of time you would look at someone's shoes or their jacket, and then you carry on with your day. What makes staring staring is the duration and the returning to it, not the noticing. Nobody has ever been made uncomfortable by a normal glance.

natural_nate · Answer

Honestly I think you are overthinking this a bit. You are describing being a person who has eyes in summer. Nobody on that train had the faintest idea what you were thinking, because people are entirely wrapped up in themselves.

arch_admirer_amy · Answer

I would not dismiss it entirely, Nate. There is a real version of this where someone does stare and it is noticed and it makes a stranger feel unsafe, and it is mostly women who notice it. So I am glad Eli is thinking about it. The answer is not to feel guilty, it is just to keep it at glance length.

eyes_up_eli · Answer

That is the bit I was worried about, Amy, and I would rather be slightly overcautious than be that person on someone else's commute. Glance length is a useful yardstick, thank you.

low_key_luca · Answer

Something that helped me: give yourself something else to do with your attention. A book on the train, headphones, anything. Half of the staring problem is having nothing else to look at and then feeling caught.

Sandal season and the problem of where to look

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