Do I tell my wife I'm going to one of these?

Question

There is a social happening in my nearest city next month and I would quite like to go. Nothing dramatic, just a daytime thing in a cafe by the sound of it.

Here is my problem. My wife knows about this side of me, she has known for years, and she is fine with it in the sense that we do not talk about it much and it does not cause any friction. What I do not know is how she would take me going to meet other people who share it. I can see her being completely relaxed about it and I can equally see her wondering why I need that.

Do you tell your partners? And if you do, how do you frame it so it sounds like what it is rather than like something I am asking permission for?

veteran_vera · Accepted Answer

Tell her. Not because there is anything to confess, but because the version where you do not tell her creates a secret that did not exist before you went. A coffee afternoon is a nothing event. A coffee afternoon she finds out about in eight months is an enormous event, and the size of it will have nothing to do with the coffee.

Do I tell my wife I'm going to one of these?

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